2020年5月24日 星期日

Anxiety and fear caused by darkness

Darkness is unknown, uncertain, and I do n’t know what will happen. I do n’t have any feelings for darkness. This lasts for a long time. I ca n’t walk into a place without lights, even in a relatively familiar environment, as long as I won't step in without lights, I always feel like I don't know what unknown things are waiting for me.

When I came to the recall journey, in the process of asking myself, I thought of a possibility that is what caused me to be so afraid of the dark. This story will start when I was a child.


There will be a slight gap in this memory. After all, when I was still young, I can only remember it now. There is no way to restore the complete content in detail. ?), The most anticipated time for students every year is the winter and summer vacations, but it is not necessarily so pleasant for me. I grew up in Taipei. My parents came to Taipei from Miaoli to work, so grandparents live in Miaoli, we usually go back to Miaoli every New Year. At that time, it was an unfamiliar environment with my parents. It seemed that the night came earlier. Some parents are at least not so uneasy. In fact, they take a shower in the toilet If you dare not go alone, you should ask them to accompany me, or simply steal urine to drain in the ditch, just to escape to that very dark place. Just because of this, she was scolded several times and said not to pee in the ditch. in.

Of course, parents think they take it for granted. Such an environment is where they have stayed. What is there to worry about. It is a pity that it is their idea, not my idea. But this is not the point to talk about. I have a chance to write one.

The countryside is different from Taipei. Everyone goes to bed early, and the lighting is not too much. The current argument is that there is less light damage. It is really dark when the lights are turned off. You can see the stars when you look up. At night, how dark the whole session was. For my little kid, I really felt a little scared. I could n’t see anything. I do n’t know if anything would appear at the end of the aisle. How dare I go to the toilet alone.

So the things that impressed me the most now have happened. In a winter and summer vacation, my parents have to work and have no time to take care of me. I want to try to take me back to Miaoli and let grandparents take care of me. Actually I ca n’t remember being left How long has it been, but that is not important to me at the time, only bad memories, because my fear of darkness has also increased since then, why?

The structure of the house in the country is different from that of the city, and the planning of the space is also different. The distance between the toilet and the room is really far away. Especially for children, there is a small living room in the middle, a room that you want to avoid, a dining room, a kitchen, and then A laundry area is the toilet. This toilet is still a place for peeing. If you want to get a large size, you must continue to walk back or take another path. Simply put, it is farther away, and they can leave the lights on. Walking past is a nightmare for me. Every step into a space is a test, psychologically entangled. I still remember that I have to turn on the lights everywhere, and I have been criticized why I turn on the lights. I did n’t dare to go forward. I did n’t see five fingers in front of me. I felt something would appear. Will it eat me up and swallow me up? The fear and anxiety grew infinitely. I could n’t ignore it. presence.

I have to go to bed early in the evening. I do n’t dare to go to the toilet in the middle of the night. I dare not wake up my grandparents. It ’s really a big torment. I still feel shudder and annoying even now. The dim light, there is no way to reduce the anxiety caused by the darkness, and sometimes even feel more terrifying.

There is a feeling of isolation and helplessness, no one can rely on, even grandparents, but it is still different from their parents, not to mention in a somewhat unfamiliar environment, unexplainable panic sprang up spontaneously, until now There is a feeling that appears in front of me.

The darkness gives me a sense of uneasiness and fear, maybe it was from that time!





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