I thought that the mood or mental state has been stable for a period of time, because it is the best state without too much mood swings, which seems to be just an illusion. In fact, it was hidden underneath my heart, covered by a layer of film, and it didn’t come out. Sudden dizziness and rapid heartbeat made me know that it was coming out again, and it was slowly going through that layer. The film may gradually spread, and it is completely uncertain whether it can stop its offensive this time.
The speed at which this momentum emerges is a bit unexpectedly fast. Starting from a message in the daytime, countless pressures are surging up. It does not necessarily come from the other party who sent the message, but from one's own pressure burden and lack of self-confidence. It is also a huge barrier stacked by perfectionism. I don’t have the confidence to stick to what I want to do, and my fear of believing that the future will blossom and bear fruit is infinitely spreading. Whether the choice is wrong or right is obviously a certain kind of text that can change my mood and sustenance, and there is a kind of shackles Feel.
Most of the time, I don’t blame others or relatives, but blame myself and embarrass myself. Putting others above myself is not a right thing in itself. I use this transfer method to avoid myself. Heart. What is to be good to myself, what is the path I want to take, everything is like in the mist, and the light that originally existed disappears in an instant. Go straight back to the original point, the previous efforts are so nihilistic.
I really want to pick up a cigarette that I don't smoke for health, and drink a glass of alcoholic beverages that are reduced for health, to paralyze and avoid that restless heart. Don't want to know what it wants to express, and what does it want to do? Whether or not all of this can have anything to do with me, but in reality it can't get rid of it like a shadow. When I pick up cigarettes and alcohol, I won’t be able to sink into it again, I can’t guarantee.
The head is still so dizzy, the whole body is weak and the eyes are blurred, the destruction is always faster than the recovery, and the black is gradually spreading in the world. And I can't block the happiness and happiness of others because of myself. I would rather fulfill others and forget my own existence, which is just a little transparency. It is so transparent that no one remembers this person and existence. The outer world and the inner world have no boundaries that can intersect, but they are getting farther and farther away.
I just want to be myself and do what I want to do, whether it is getting harder, getting better, or getting worse.
What is the answer? Where is the answer?
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